Between Self discovery and self recovery

Life is journey of self discovery … or so says pop-philosophy.  What is my journey and till now, fifty years of walking the earth? Have I had moments that brought me closer to the truth of life or closer to my soul and self journey…. hmm, like Lewis Carroll asks in Alice Wonderland…Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.

Okay let’s see where do we begin this wonderful mythical journey to discover ourselves? Gandhi the Mahatma (puke) says in the service of others you find yourself… okay I go on this path looking for myself where will I find me? Think of the visuals we are morphed into

Cinderella the wonderful daughter obedient hail hallelujah we have a self sabotaging victim at hand… waiting for the prince, waiting to be rescued

Then comes the sleeping beauty… again self sabotaging victim composed until rescue, again by a prince.

What would happen if Cinderella took a hatchet to her stepmother or whipped the life out her oppressor like Geeta does in Seeta aur Geeta?

Coming back to self discover, discovery and then what?

Have you ever come across the term from Upanishad,”Tatwam Asi” you are that… the question next is what… it is precisely that your are that you are precise who you choose to be so what does that make of discovery?

Think of an onion peeling each time we think we have gone a step closer to self discover we are labelling ourselves, stagnate like being in a pond, it is when we let ourselves be part of the infinite, we allow the flow of universe through us, then there is no more discovery there is just a state of being, the experience of infinite.

At times I wonder if the point where Self transcends from being a noun to a verb is that point in the creation when purpose, work, and play merge, and this point is very much in the present…

Maybe it we need to relook at this self discovery theme and look at self recovery…God made us in his model we are just as complete and powerful as him or her, Shakti alone creates Shakti alone destroys, and each of us embodies the essence of that Shakti. Which is why the Upanishad can declare “Tattwam Asi”

Self recovery will hopefully lead to self acceptance, that is the point of self discovery the shift of dwaita to adwaita… from vaayu jeetothama, hari sarvothama, the journey goes to Aham Brahmasmi.

Each morning wake up take a deep breath, and let yourself float in the energy of the universe, you feel the pancha mahabhutas, to experiment make a sankalpa or goal for the day that’s it, then go about your day see if you can find yourself in the activity of the day I learnt a very valuable lesson from my 25yr. Old daughter, her everyday meditation is to request the universe to let her talents be made best use of, since the universe has chosen to channelize it through her,….“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”  ― Jalaluddin Rumi


Rising In Love

bettyWith all your senses fall in love once more…well to fall in love once more, one needs to fall in love and then fall out.

How does one know when it is over?

Maybe when we feel more in love with our memories than with the person standing in front of us? apparently something can happen inside you …it can just happen somehow…maybe like magic, you think that you’ve had enough, and that the way the two of you haven for a really long time is no longer worth the effort. Does that sound familiar?

Some how what Ben Davis Sr. Said seems to make sense, falling in love is sudden, easy and fun. Its like a child going down a playground slide, while falling out of love is slow, difficult and painful, it is like watching a child die of cancer.

The human race tends to remember the abuses to which it has been subjected rather than the endearments. What’s left of the kisses? But wounds however leave scars, and the scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real. All them same, scars are not injuries, a scar is a healing, it makes whole.

Falling in love is easy; falling in love with same person repeatedly is extraordinary. Actually somewhere maybe falling in love is about acknowledging the person who makes us feel worthy about ourselves..? So our self worth falls, we fall out of love…? Could that be it?

Maybe we our task is not seek love, but seek and dissolve the barriers within us that we have erected against love…? we are so taken up with finding, being, staying and sustaining love we seem to have forgotten the one person who we need to love first… ourselves… still worse when we do, we label it selfish, narcissism and whip ourselves no end.

Most relationships seem to hit that stalemate not at the seven year itch.. as glorified but a little later. So what happens to that great love, it should have evolved from romantic lust to an sustaining enduring companionship… the flowers should have been replaced by cauliflower pickle.

Somewhere my generation was brought up on harshness, be it verbal or physical, spare the rod and spoil the child was at its peak just beginning wan. To be kind to myself is something I had to learn, and have still to learn. Letting go of harsh judgements and self hatred has been such a tough journey.

I figured that I had decreed that fat, scared, and no awards or plaque to flaunt I was definitely not lovable. So even if someone did say anything affectionate I was sceptic.

An affirmation that helped me was, “I love and accept myself just the way I am.” Find my peace.

As I began to accept myself, and even love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering were only warnings that I was living against my own truth, this I know today as Authenticity.  I realize each person has their own pace and space, and so do I, this is called Respect. I learnt to accept myself and where I am, without wanting to change people or my surrounding, everything was an invitation to grow, maybe this is Maturity. As I began to love myself, I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time and everything happens at the right moment. This I realize is self Confidence. Somewhere since I did not seek approval, or did not need targets to be loved, work at my pace, doing things that give me joy, this keeps my life exceedingly Simple. As my love and respect for myself grew, I find myself free of anything that is not good for my health, be it food, people, things, situations or anything that drew me away from authentic-self. Once upon a time I thought this was ego and narcissism, but today I know it Love Of Oneself. As I began to love myself, the need to be always right is gone, interestingly I find, I am wrong less of the time. This I discover is Modesty. As I learn to love myself, I learnt to forgive myself, I’m


this article is an excerpt from my NANOWRMO writing.

learning to stop living in the past, or worrying about the future, the moment seems to so happening I can live each day, and I find my life getting better every way, I call it Fulfilment. As I  learn to love myself I realize my mind can disturb me and it me sick, it give be critical, unforgiving, by as I learn to connect it my heart, my mind became an valuable ally. This connect is the Wisdom of the Heart.  Confrontations, arguments, or problems don’t seem to loom like boogie men.  There is tremendous strength and creativity happening in a still mind; I said still mind and not stagnant mind. Today I know  This Is Life…. this is love… this lightens the soul.

Indispire 123 prompt With All Your Senses  Fall In Love…..One More Time, Prompt by Arunkumar  who blogs at

Fa is th’ stranger within.


Have i ever had a random encounter or a fleeting moment with a stranger that stuck with me?

…sometimes one feels freer speaking to a stranger, ever wondered why? To me it appeared because the stranger sees us the way we are, not as he wishes to think we are.  Interestingly there is a stranger within us, unacknowledged even by us. To quote Mark Twain, “everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” The friend and the enemy both live within us, one we acknowledge and display with all finery to the world, the other is kept hidden from the world and ourselves too.  maybe I need to search for that stranger inside me, forgotten even by death!

When I do confront that stranger, no not confront accept that stranger I get those fleeting moments of inner peace and stillness that goes with completeness, it carries me through for the next 23 hrs and 45 mnts to enact being human trying to make it through in this world.

Sometimes this stranger is captivated in a photograph, when all facilities converge to capture fleeting reality. It’s at that precise moment that the image declares the truth with great physical and intellectual joy.

The truth like Ursula K.Le Guin stated ”when we light a candle, we also cast a shadow.”

“When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow.”
― Ursula K. Le Guin