Joy and Sorrow of Epiphany

“I just had to tell her that I loved her and she was important in my life that is it” everything falls into place.

It had begun with a BSc. In computer science, picking up a job, in a BPO Rajat had been one of those born leaders and the growth of rapid, the BPO community knew him as Gibby short for Gibraltar…

“Listen, Regalis? Couldn’t you find anything else? Not even the Lalit” Gibby had barked at his assistant who had set up the meeting.

“Sir, considering the customer’s logistics this seems to the only workable one.”

“okay”

Gibby sat drumming on the table waiting for the client, when a spritely young person walked up to him, “Mr. Gibraltar?”

“Yes” Gibby was rather curt, it always annoyed him people did not keep their appointment. Here was a woman at that, he was really annoyed.”Could you not buzz saying you were late, Madam you are disrespecting my time”

The Girl stared at him good and steady, she did not seemed perturbed, but with clear slow delivery she told him, ”Mr.Whoever, I am not your client thankfully, but I am here on the request of your client who has met with an accident at the turn of the road, and is being carted to the hospital. Good day”

Gibby felt a fool, and out manoeuvred by a chit of a girl.

Back in the office he could not get her off his mind. Diligent tracking to almost stalking he found out more about her and how and where he could contact her. The relationship grew and they were married.

“I am sorry Samhita, but I do ….”  Samhita realized somewhere along the way the conversations always seem to begin with I am sorry, and it was not a I apologize sorry it was I am delivering news that dis-empowers you, so I am more powerful.  Today was the last straw, “…if you do not understand that in my line of work, if I do not attend to the client then and there I lose out. After being married for 5yrs this is something you should understand.”

Samhita just took another look at the man she married, before she could respond he crumbled and gasped for breathe, the 108 rushed in and the Gibraltar was hit, with a wave of confusion, what Gibby had brushed aside as gas was a cardiac arrest.

Change of job and life style there was an uneasy truce between the two of them, ”I married Rajat, the day Gibby can let Rajat return the marriage will be on, until then we just cohabitate.”

That was the time Rajat met Sadhana, slim tall very articulate, there was an instant bond stuck between them,

“This something missing is getting on my nerves,”

“So, Rajat why don’t you address it”

“How”

“Shall I?”

“Hmm”

“How about this, we’ll take a trance session see if something pops up you never know.”

Okay… and they had a session, ”yes, Rajat where are you?”

In a green field,

What are you wearing? Just keep sharing things as they come,

Some kind of loin cloth and a blanket is wrapped round me,  I can see an woman sitting on a charpai, I have seen these only in Rajasthan, someone is approaching he is tall and he has strangled the woman.

What are you doing

I have run away the man scares me too.

Hmm anything else significant.

I’m scared it makes more sense to stay away from these people.

Can you go to the last day of that life?

I am seventy, and am in the open field, my chest hurt just like it did when i got the heart attack, the sun is right on my face,

What are your thoughts?

I am alone, unmarried who will do the funeral rites for me, but more important, I am feeling remorse, the dead woman was my aunt, i should have told my father what I saw at least she would have got justice.

Okay if there is any other life that is relevant it will come up, anything coming up?

Yes, I am thirty two and am in front of a temple with my parents and wife, we are all happy.

What are you wearing?

A silk dhoti, it is red everyone is in silk, we have come down in a Palki we seem fairly well to do family. We are the temple door we are here to for a pooja so that my wife and I will have a child.”

And

I have a chest pain, it is like the one I had few days back,

And

My soul is leaving the body,

Why was this life relevant? What was your learning?

This is the second time I am here yet have not learnt, that one has to speak, actually if I had told my wife that I love and I will protect her she would have conceived right now she has not because she does not feel secure enough to bring a baby to this world. I just had to say I love and care.

Can you ask your subconscious why is it showing you this life?

Because I am in the same situation now, I have to tell my wife that I love her and she is important in my life, I have to assure her that I am there for her I had let her down when she was my aunt, I let down when she was wife before, there is no point in just feeling, I have to express and share” as he vocalized this tears streamed down Rajat’s eyes.

Okay then are good, if you are we’ll count you out…

To Rajat there there was love and understanding with the knowledge, but there was also profound sorrow for what went unacknowledged. It was not the time for regrets it was time for amends and moving on.

 

 

 

 

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Mah hen mammy an’ dochter.

Who is the person most dearest to me, why do I hold this person in such high regard?

This sounds like the dedication that we put on our books  (I know when published) well to whom then should I dedicate my wonderful, suprising and interesting adventure? To whom dare I reveal my private opinion of my nearest relations> the secret thoughts of my dearest friends? My hopes, fears, and reflections and dislikes? Frances Burney says nobody, well, maybe but I would say I ,me, myself.

That does render me lonely  asocial and pathetic. Maybe, but there are three people who I do share.  You can call them my past and future, that is my mother and my daughters.

My mother is my past she is the one who built me, gave me my values, my strengths and convered up my weaknes. While prodding me to strengthen my self in the those spaces. She is my protector, and my conscience.

My daughters my future, they are so precious to me while a part of me wants to set them free so that they soar the skies part of me wants to ensure that they are safe.

Though my dreams were and are all my own; I account for them to nobody, they  were and are my refuge when annoyed – my dearest pleasure when free —  if ever I had to share them it would be with these women who anchor me in the present.