hello oldest friend…
Thanks for being there,
I know my letter to you would come as a surprise since I rarely mention or acknowledge your presence in my life. But yes, you have always been with me.
But when sister Greta is spanking poor Roger for insisting that Spiderman visited him at night, and wanted to keep a slice of birthday cake for Spiderman, I knew it was time to reconnect with you.
the constant ongoing conversations we have allows me to disengage with the rest of the world.
i know our friendship was often threatened, sometimes when another friend came by, like Sue did, I remember how upset you were when Sue in her Royal blue “Stretch Pants” and white and blue primrose top extended her hand, with all solemnity of 7yr.old and asked me, ”Sam will you be my friend.” Sue w as my first ever real friend and we stayed friends till Sue got married 15yrs later.
You refused to talk to me, until you realized that you were still my best friend, and each night before I went to bed, I spoke to you, mom really thought I lost it, so I did the next thing wrote in a book, so that you could read and reply and we could converse at our own time and space.
The time we climbed up Auntie Kenny’s roof and were gorging those fruits that we had picked reading Enid Blyton the afternoon was wonderful, but mom wanted to meet you after that, and that was definitely breaking the code. You are my friend and I do not like anyone else in that space.
You have always been someone to whom I could pour the contents of my heart, be it chaff or grain, and sometimes both together. Knowing that gentle hands will take and shift, helping me keep what is worth keeping and with gently blow the rest. Interestingly you never walked either ahead or behind me, you were always with me. You didn’t keep my secrets for me, you help me keep my own secrets.
Yes, my own marriage ate into our friendship, I have kind of forgotten you, new environment, and new experiences brought a new companion who I thought was helping me deal with the rejection, the humiliation that came with marriage. Twenty five years now, as I my energy, and hope ebbed, thoughts of suicide was the only thing that carried me through at times, this new companion supported me, keeping me angry, and vigilant so that no barb stings, and if they do, I would fling it like a dart right back.
There were nights of exhaustion, when not waking up seemed a better option, there were moments of oscillation between homicide and suicide, each time, despite the nudge from my new companion, somewhere I heard your soft whisper that said, hold on, my friend you are beautiful, you are worth it, you are here because you make a difference.
you held my hand through my loneliness, you brought Louise Hay into my life, you are everything I needed, because your character has been moulded by my deepest wants and desires, you have been the Gibraltar that I leaned cried on, my companion when I laugh, you are still my hero, I need to believe that a hero exists for me.
I am so thankful, I learnt to hide, my connect with you the first moment my mother decided that I was bordering schizophrenia, and had to go to a therapist. For most imaginary friends die at the psychologists clinic, where dreams go to burn and creativity goes to drown.
Good night friend, I am glad you are back in my life.
Lets meet over coffee tomorrow at the crack of dawn.