The vast expanse of MGM college most people like me it was the first time we have seen such a vast expanse of college, we were kind of lost. Outside was a large board with role numbers and seating arrangements written. Students swarming around it, then the parents who escorted their kids, we had traveled as group from our place and were huddled together, one of the more enterprising classmate went up to the notice board and found our seating arrangement.
This was the culmination of enduring, years of drilling; somewhere we had slipped into a trance-like stupor of 45mnts slot that would reboot at the sound of the bell, something like a Pavlov’s pouch. Here was the ritual that set us free to pure freedom, leaving home for the first time, parties, we would get to flaunt those very cool words, like tutorials, lectures and walk to that big building with books called the library, of course we later discovered it was more a social hangout than an intellectual one, and students never went there to study.
Coming back to our classroom layout, panic had begun to set in, the confident student whose purpose in the classroom to outwit his teacher seemed to have vanished. Let’s face it tests are not really fair, those who have studied… no mugged up have an unfair advantage, and believe it has always been like that, it is not about your knowledge and application, it is about your memory and recall that is being judged here.
Panic had begun to set in, one could experience the warmth in the stomach grow into a raging fire spewing bitter lava up the esophagus. I think this is called the panic attack!! It felt like father time, had a sadistic streak, and the more we dread something and would give our all to keep it away it very dis-obligingly speeds right up to us.
It is quite easy to say “Don’t Panic,” yet that strange feeling in the pit of the stomach, as if one is swimming in a whirlpool, and we want to put our feet down on something solid … but there is nothing there, the water is deeper than we thought it was!! Finally the hall was found, and we trotted right up there, found our seats…. the feeling is a chess move made, and somewhere you know that the move is a mistake and the panic raises because somehow we are not aware of the scale of disaster we have left ourselves open to… that is the moment I discovered that I had NOT GOT my admit card….I would not be permitted to appear my exam..I was not accepted… the yellow folder had all my documents but the most vital one
“IT WAS TOO LATE” for me go back and get it travelling 8kms to get the card seemed impossible. It was a time before the mobile phones…. tears began flowing down my cheeks, It was defeat, now having to face the shame, the stings from one and all, a year gone wasted, peers moving ahead… It was like being pushed against a wall…
That’s when the bells tolled, it was a new day, almost twenty-five years later, the nightmare of not being allowed to… not being accepted now overcome…