Love Lament

bettyThis was a prompt I decided I shall not answer, but since i am assured that the prompts are thrown on the virtue of its popularity I thought maybe I should put my concern out there. it is also a great time to  process my own learning and understanding of love, though I never figured why we are uncomfortable using love as a verb.

The prompt goes – love is not an easy task, love comes with its share of pain and guilt share a story or invent one where that pain is revealed in a form most unimaginable in direction not thought.

If I were to speak very clinically anything known is pleasure and unknown is pain.  But what do we mean by love? I know someone who told me when we love someone we give them the power to hurt us, to me she was talking of power equation, but if you really look at it we are talking vulnerability.

When my patients come to me with relationship issues, it find it very amusing when I ask them what is the picture that pops into their mind when i say love… they draw a blank.

Someone told me  love was the condition in which happiness of another person is essential to your own  happiness. Third interesting take I got was you know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality finally better than your dreams. Great

Live Lao Tze said, being in deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. In either case where does pain come from?

Quite often we mistake lust to be love,  lust lights up areas of motivation and reward, in the brain while love lights up the region of caring and empathy. Experiments have shown that we do experience love in the moment as a state of communion, that is a deep connect and people in love tend to mirror each other’s facial expressions, gestures and even physiological rhythms.  This can be a lasting mental and emotional state, were people care deeply for each other’s well being and feel moved by other’s pain, resulting in a motivation to relieve each other’s suffering. Building a lasting relationship takes work. When behaviour patterns of couples with lasting relationships are studied the pattern seen was, partners think of each other positively when they are not together, they support each other’s personal growth and development and they undertake shared experiences in which they can learn and expand themselves. We can increase our capacity to love, these strategies can be developed in a matter of months. Monks who practise compassion meditation show that it brings about interconnectedness, a trait associated with secure attachment pattern. A loving connection is beneficial for both physical and mental health.

Deliberate actions and our towards a loved one, we bring in spiral of mutual appreciation and happiness, I remember a tale where a young girl went to mandarin asking him how to get rid of her mother-in-law, she did not know that her mother had approached the mandarin to get rid of her. he mandarin told the girl, that he would give her a medicine she had to give this to her mother-in-law every day but had to pretend to be loving so that no one would be suspicious. He gave the mother-in-law an oil and told her that every night she should apply it on her daughter-in-law’s head and appreciate the daughter-in-law for at least one thing each day. he asked them to come back in six months and he would suggest what they should next.

Six months down the line, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law began to appreciate and love each other, now they did not wish their death. The Mandarin smiled, expressing appreciation, and gratitude creates a commune between the giver and receiver.

Remember the song you learnt at school, I didn’t my daughters did, ”god’s love its wonderful, you its so wide you can’t go around it” that somehow caught my imagination. Coming to think of it we can’t really measure it, though we do try to quantify it through benchmarks.

We talk of unconditional love, but when we say love in the true sense without going into the lust story, and then we are talking of a space where our primitive mind does not trigger the flight fright or freeze signals. We are talking trust, we are talking about being naked, and both physically and metaphysically that is we allowing ourselves the luxury of being vulnerable.

Something about love, its like a yawn, or a smile, that it is contagious, look around when you are dating and going going gaga over someone so is your best friend. This may or may not be for ever. After all we grow our experiences grow so does our partner, so does their experiences these bring about changes in us, some acceptable some not so acceptable, it depends on each one of us how much of change is acceptable and altered acceptability I guess is called growth in a relationship.

We often presume that a soul mate is our perfect fit and that’s what everyone wants, but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows us everything that is holding us back, the person brings us to our own attention so we can change our life, or rather choose to change our life. a true soul mate is probably the most important person we meet in our life since they tear our well built walls and smack us right awake. But to live with a soul mate… not a good idea…soul mates are welcome, they come into our life just to reveal another layer of our self to us and then leave. A soul mates purpose  is shake  us up tear apart our ego a little bit of course, show us our obstacles and addiction, break our heart open so that new light can get in, and make us so desperate and out of control that we have to transform in life, then introduce us to our spiritual masters. – this gyan is not mine but from Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat.Pray And Love.

this article is an excerpt from my NANOWRMO writing.

After all this pondering about love, I conclude Love be it noun or verb is a pain..full stop. If you want stories to pander to masochist inclincation…(Sorry profound thinking makes me hungry and a hungry woman who has yet to cook lunch is an angry woman.) Here are some journeys that I have documented. where I have addressed the love for intrigue and jealousy ompanionship   actually dealt with a painful relationship.

The most painful one of them all is the love we have for ourselves, yet the painful way treat ourselves its sad. I have written about those too, maybe I shall share something else tomorrow, but for now I am hungry.

Prompt thrown by Aditya Agarwal for indispire.



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