Quiet – the power of the introvert in a world of extrovert https://kitabikida.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/the-sound-of-silence/
A lovely book that came to me at a time when I was very confused. Running nose, head aches, were all part of my life. all I wanted to do was to pop a painkiller and quietly go to sleep.
It would start with a feeling of being bogged down grow to a mild head ache the pain would become intolerable and finally I would cry. But sleep would still elude, finally I would pop in 1mg Restyl and go off to sleep
On the days that everything was quiet, I mean no television or social interactions I would be fine.
Maybe it is a survival thing I picked up as a grew up, being the 5th girl in a joint family, followed by three boys. I kind of had make sure people knew I was alive. a mortal fear I had was I would be dead and no one would care and worse still no one would know.
That created a belief in me, that I had talk to get attention, this confusion created greater havoc in me. at the landmark education forum for the first time I came face to face with need for silence.
Susan Cain’s book made me feel normal– “Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pyjamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.”
–“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
The journey to recovery was very tedious and very very simple, I actually worked through the worksheets of Shakti Gawain’s creative visualization, slowly step by step https://kitabikida.wordpress.com/2014/04/06/seein-is-creatin/ the actually walked me through to my recover.
Actually I realized it was okay to want to withdraw from company, not want to chatter incessantly, but what was not acceptable, was loneliness that arose from not being comfortable with myself. as I went through the book I realized it was not about becoming a new person, but it becoming the person that I was meant to be and am already am, but do not know to be. I am imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed, yet I am beautiful.
Something that actually triggered this entire journey in me, was the quote,” You are Gods creation, what makes you think that God will make a defective piece. Enlightenment is understanding that there is nowhere to go, nothing to do and nobody you have to be except exactly who your’re being right now.” That I read in Norman Vincent Peale’s book Conversations with God I,II&III