“Hello,” it was 7 AM, “Amma,are you okay?”
“Yes, I just realized, it was your birthday yesterday, and I did not see the calendar so I did not realize it was yesterday” oh! it was her mother, that her aunt, her cousins everyone took turns to wish her.
As Tara looked out of the window, it was dawn. A time when nothing breathes, the hour of silence. Everything was transfixed, only light moved. A bridge of silver wings stretched from the grey horizons, it was as it was the vision of a life starting anew, from an unforgiving nightmare.
There went her sleep and dawn had walked into the first day of the rest of her life. She was still in her work clothes, dinner on the table, TV on, well, she must have cried herself to sleep. But it did make her feel lighter and cleansed.
Tears to Tara were nothing more than lachrymal secretion, when it was secreted to cleanse it was mildly antibacterial, and definitely protective. When the tears secreted were triggered by emotions its composition was similar to the embryonic fluid. This she remembered from the physiology lecture she had heard more than what…. nearly 33yrs ago. It seems so ancient. Well so she was, one turns 50, only once in 50yrs.
Anyway tears were considered sign of weakness, but tears were also signs of frustration. Tears were the words the mouth cannot speak or heart cannot bear. She wanted to howl her heart out, but “Don’t make a spectacle of yourself was the dictum”
Loneliness, depression, self-pity seem to gorge right into Tara, her head began pounding, and eyes turned heavy. It’s funny thought Tara, that crying because of an unbearable headache was okay, but crying because of an unbearable heartache was a no-no.
On the TV some old do-gooder was busy with the sermon, “don’t be ashamed to weep: ‘tis right to grieve, Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruits cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does the memory and love of the good days will be sealed within to comfort you.
Cry, Forgive, Learn, and Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
Tara knew it would hurt, she had to cry, and let go of some things she would have loved to keep. She was going through a breakdown, like falling when you try to fly. She knew it was sad, but moving along with rest of her life started with a good bye…..the loneliness she had bottled broke loss and flowed, it was as if the tears never stopped flowing.